One of us has a new baby. . .
And I'm not talking about Matt.
the proverbial jam band repository
Just got into a argument via a music listserv with a guy who was saying that gun control has done more harm than good, historically (he of course gave no actual historical data for this argument).
Can I just say that jagged oval shaped sweat spots that appear on the backs of men in dress shirts in the summer are sexy? Am I allowed to say that? I hope so. Cuz if i'm not, I'm on my way to the principal's office? Or is it principle's office? (I guess it depends if I am antropomorphizing (that latter) or talking about Sister Margaret at St. Bernadettes Catholic school in Silver Spring MD (the former).
I don't know if these ramblings are really schmapp-and -chmazz worthy, but I'm in the post mood, and I'm not talking about raisin brain, though two scoops is almost always better than one.
A friend was indulging in a lil' high school anecdotal reverie the other day and offhandedly mentioned that his driver's-ed teacher also happened to be pulling double-duty as the co-ed sex-ed instructor. I was instantly amused as I stopped to consider the convergence of these two fear-based pedagogies. With the right approach you could conceivably kill two birds with one stone if you had the right amalgam of an educational film. Suggested titles include "Blood on the Hymen/Baby in the Carseat" or "Staying Between the Cones: Outercourse and You" or "Abstinence and the Art of Defensive Driving" or "Hang on St. Christopher: The Missionary Position as 10 and 2" or "Banana in the Tailpipe: The Other Guy is Gonna Rear-end You" or "Brake Lights Can Lie: The Dangers of Pulling Out."
With Michael Showalter. Does it count as starfucking if you meet on public transportation? I mean, are you still a celeb if you're schlepping your groceries home on the train? You're just a dude with a bummer-of-a-chore as far as I'm concerned.
I'm planning to pitch an article to a national pet magazine on the growing worldwide trend of holding expensive ($1,000+) funerals for pet dogs. If you've done this, or know someone who has, I'd like to talk to you briefly for a preliminary interview.
an email I sent yesterday to a dude I know:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, John Legend and John Nash!" My brain struggled to make sense of it for a moment, but then I realized the logic behind it -- Legend sings while Nash presents his groundbreaking mathematical theorem that quantifies the rate at which your girl will ditch you and get with John Legend.
the conversation at the table next to me today at lunch at the depressing food court on the UCSD campus. I was eating a grapefruit.
Actual conversation witn a co-worker, which took place during another co-worker's attempts at signing up for Netflix online:
[image] line graph of profits for r&b act, The Emotions, showing a
steady decline since 1996, juxtaposed against the rise of emo kids.
"It's like this," says the VP of Marketineering for The Emotions's
parent company, Emotio-corp., "when the target consumer gets to the
sales clerk at the megastore, and he asks for 'Emotions,' he's
immediately taken to the latest Fallout Boy release. The Emotions are
literally losing millions of dollars a year to the Kinsella brothers
alone! It's just like Led Zeppelin and the blues except it's a
complete accident and the resulting hard rock is just terrible."
called Everything but the Dave Sink. Early reports indicate that there's some buzz amongst the scene-sters, even though Sink has already decreed it to be "fucking lame."
No. 12 -- When your phone call kicks directly to voicemail (i.e., said friend is forever tied up on the other line), try this sample text.
"This is your mom, why don't you get off the line -- the sender of this message just got off me!"
p.s. Definitely not as funny if said friend's mom is no longer living.
1am. Guy on the street. Blazer with jeans. 30ish and a little drunky:
"hey man, do you have another cigarette? I'll buy it from ya."
"ya, i'll give ya a buck."
"Nah, it's cool. There's a code among smokers." (handing over cigarette)
"here's a buck. I'm tryin to quit..."
"Nah, it's cool. There's a code."
"ya, well, I'm tryin to quit."
"Ya, I've been there before. A few times."
"me too. Probably be back again." (walking away)
"I'll see you around then."
Inside jokes are really one of the sweetest rewards for life's enduring relationships, at least among my friends. As fringe benefits for the job of friendship, they're right up there with free dry-cleaning. Because when you can turn a conversation on a dime or enhance an shared experience just by dropping some relic piece of dialogue from ten years ago on someone, then you know you have something really special.
Back when I lived in Chicago, I somehow wound up on the mailing list for the Zagat's guide. I think I filled out some survey to get a free restaurant guide.
As I was walking to the train the other day, I overheard a woman on her phone say:
"Okay, but if we break-up, then you're taking me dancing."
Given how casually she said it, I naturally assumed she was talking about her doomed relationship with a third-party -- the gay best friend or whatever. She's half-interested/half-wounded/half-planning her weekend with a friend.
I like to amuse myself with the thought that she was negotiating the actual terms of the breakup with her boyfriend instead. Half-caring, but half-demanding.
"This relationship sucks -- I've resigned myself to that fact. Which means that you owe me an evening of Salsa."
The breakup seems imminent, and yet dude still has to go out on some high-impact date. Dude must've fucked up majorly in the bargaining process to end up with that kind of fate. Seems like some sort of relationship reciprocity.
"You failed me as a mate -- now date me as your punishment."
This is a test.
watching the bbc series "walking w/ dinosaurs" recently reminded me how relative the idea of evolutionary progress really is. the cryptoclidus is generally considered a relic of earth's rocky evolutionary past, but i have to admit, i'm really a little jealous.
sadly, i've never really thought about career from the big picture. economics aside, the fundamental laws of survival dictate that one should aspire for something that could ultimately save your ass.
the idea of a blog/wiki/website of fake bands. modeled on the allmusic formats w/ inter-related links.